Passing On

My aunt died this past week.  I just returned from visiting with family who had gathered from afar.  Despite the sadness surrounding her passing, it was great to look at photos and reflect on her life as a daughter, mother, aunt and friend.  We reminisced about her career as a post-WWII Japanese American school teacher in a virtually all-white community.  It was great to talk with and hug cousins and others whom I had not seen for years and in some cases decades.  We re-connected about careers, children and our memories and hopes.  I even met some relatives for the first time.  The gathering was only for a few short hours, but it was great.

Afterwards, I reflected on this event.  I was sad because this is the final time in this life that I will ever see or touch my Aunt.  Frequently, in my job in the ER I treat dying patients and counsel and console their loved ones.  However, that is a more clinical and professional interaction.  This time it was personal.  This time it was me experiencing the separation and loss.  Experiences like this make life real.  This time made me more empathetic and understanding.

It was also a time for me to make some resolutions.  First, I resolved that I would strive to remember what a wonderful blessing it is to have family, no matter who they are, what they do or where they live.  There is something so special about the common ties of being related.  Next, I resolved that I would take time to visit face-to-face more with family.  Not just via social media--though this would be a good start--but actually to take time to visit their homes, open my home or even consider a reunion.  The last reunion with this branch of the family was back in the 80s. This is way too much time away from each other despite the typical excuses of work and our other activities.  Few of those activities which distract me away from family are nearly as memorable or rewarding.  Lastly, I resolve to serve more and to be served.  For example, I learned of physical illness, emotional hurts, and other problems that afflicted many family members of which I had not been aware.  I wish that I could have added what talents I have in helping them.  I did not know about their lives, and they did ask.  There is something that is enriching about serving others and being served by them.  It creates bonds that time can never break.

My aunt is gone.  Her memory remains and the lessons from her life will continue to enrich mine and the lives of my family.